Are You on the Demolition or Building Crew?

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The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1
Ouch!  God’s Word has a way of speaking to us right where we need it most. This verse is just what I needed this morning.
I was furious!  The house was a mess, we were trying to get to something at 10:30, trying to pack lunch for later, gather library books, dishes yet to do, clothes all over the house, girls wearing boy shirts, no one obeying me, the list could go on.
I will be honest.  I did not even care if my house was torn down.  I wasn’t thinking clearly, I was just boiling up inside.
Have you been there? Have you been at this point?
Well, I sure was, and this was the verse for Bible study today.
It is in these exact moments when I need God the most.  These exact moments that I need to be careful not to tear down my house.  When we are angry, annoyed, or falling apart, it is in those moments that it is so easy to say the wrong things.  Things said in anger, words or even the tone of words we use.  Things that we say that we can never take back.  They can be forgiven, yes, but not taken back.
It is in these moments that we need God the most.
I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of time trying to fill my children’s love tanks. And in one of these stressful moments all the love that I have built up can be torn down. In.a.moments.short.notice.
Now that I’m calm again, I ask myself; Is anything more important than my family. Is there any mess, any amount of dishes too big, that deserves me to emotionally hurt my family? Is there anything worth that?

How do you do to get out of those tough moments?  How do you back away from the anger and prevent yourself from tearing down your house with your hands?
For me,
-Sharing with someone else that I am having a rough morning and pleading for prayers.
-Putting myself in timeout, and spending some time alone with God.
-Being honest with my kids, and say, I’m having a tough moment, I’m feeling stressed, I’m feeling like I have to do this all by myself and I’m letting it ruin my joy.
-Praying.
-Often for me there is something underneath all the surface stuff. Something deep down inside that is bothering me.  Putting my finger on that underlying reason of what I am stressed about helps.
————-
This morning it probably stemmed from the fact I had to tell someone no, we couldn’t help them.  We already had prior commitments. I’m a people pleaser and I’m afraid people won’t like me if I turn them down.
So for me putting my finger on that underlying reason of what I am stressed about helps. I have to go back thru the reason, why did I tell that person no.  I have to go thru steps again and tell myself the truth.  The project she wanted help on; is it my responsibility? Is it in my fence, my boundaries? By stressing and letting it bother me and make me feel guilty; I am beginning to carry her load. I’m picking up something imaginary and putting it in my boundary  putting it in my fence to deal with.  The other person doesn’t even know I’m still worried about it.  It is only hurting me. And I’m letting it tear down my house. I’m letting it ruin my day.
I used to work on the demolition crew in my family.  Every day I would find myself worrying about things like what I worried about today.  I used to let what other people thought of me, what other people wanted me to do, the lies other people told me; RUIN MY LIFE!! I was ruining my whole family. I was tearing down my house.
I am so thankful God took me off the demolition crew 
and gave me a job in the building crew.

Set backs, like today, just remind me of where I used to be. They remind me of what a horrible place it was. It reminds of how important it is that every day, every moment, I report for duty on the building crew.

Maybe someday I’ll feel led to share here, on the blog, more specifically about my journey of boundary setting* and the amazing healing I’ve come too.  A place of building my house. With God by my side.
Praying you enjoy His Blessings today,
Trudie

 

*Want to know more?  Have you read Boundries by Dr Henry Cloud?  This is a amazing book that helped me.  If you find yourself taking other peoples’ burdens on you and letting it tear down your house, like I did, try reading this book.

 

247454: Boundaries, Softcover Boundaries, Softcover
By Dr. Henry Cloud / ZondervanHaving clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts, emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own.

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6 Comments

  1. Hello Trudie, I read and loved your post. Thanks for being so honest and open. That's something I really loved about you. Keep writing. Such a blessing. 🙂 Lilian

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