I’m an Empty Girl

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Why didn’t I see this pattern so long ago?

I’ve always been an empty girl.

 

As a child I longed for someone to see me. Someone to hear me.
As a teen I longed for someone to just know what I was thinking.
If just one person would know everything about me.
And I just kept searching for that one person who would fill me up.

 

I thought if only I would get married that would solve it all.
Truth is when two empty people get married. Umm. They are still empty.
Marriage doesn’t fix it.

 

Then I began pouring my life into my kids. And husband and house and cooking and laundry … you know the list. I’m sure it’s the same list you do.

 

Over the years I just got emptier and emptier.

 

 

Things began to fall.apart. Not only was I pouring out of a supply that I didn’t know how to refill. But I also realized that I had been filling up with nasty things. Words like bitterness. Anger. Hatred. And boy, oh boy. Things began to fall apart. Nasty stuff started coming spewing out of my life.

 

But who had time to stop and try to figure out what was wrong?

 

I was so drained. So tired. So full of nasty feelings and sin. It was sin.

 

Thankfully Jesus can take broke and empty people and fill them up with His love.

 

All those years. . . All that longing. All those times I wished I just had someone to care, That emptiness I felt for so long.

 

Jesus fills it. When I let Him.

 

I’ve been on a journey. A process of God remaking me.
It started with gettting rid of the sin in my life.
Learning to forgive.

 

Yet, I did still feel that huge emptiness.

 

I’ve tried filling that hole with finding a way to change my circumstances… when we get out of this town. Surely, In a different house. A finished house. That to-do list that never ends maybe when that’s done. Surely, I will be able to enjoy life then. This hole will be gone from my heart. I will be sasified.

 

I still remember two days before we were scheduled to move. . . My husband said, “If I had to choose to have you feel better and stay in our small little house in the middle of that bad section of town… or move to this brand new kitchen and you stay in this rut you are in I’d rather stay in that old house.”  I had a problem.
We did move into the new house. The move did not fix the empty girl inside me. . . A new house didn’t do it.

 

I was so empty. Pouring out to my girls. Still trying to settle into a new house with 4 girls an infant, toddler, kindergartener and grade schooler whew.

 

I did it but empty.

 

Are you an empty girl?

 

Do you ever look for the next thing you want… the next thing off your to-do list. . . Your next dream come true. . . To sasitify you? To fill you up.

 

I already told you I am.

 

That move was 4 years ago.  These four years I’ve learned that JESUS is what fills me. Spending time with Him, serving Him, spending time doing what He’s made me to do. It all fills me up to the brim.

 

This past spring I realized I had become an Empty Girl again. I was so depleted. Not in the same way that I had been fours years ago. My relationship with Jesus was alive. Yet, in a different sort of way, I was empty.

 

I was pouring out and pouring out and pouring out for several years. Doing things God had called me, and doing it with abandoned . Yet it was coming with a cost. A cost that settled deep into an empty soul.

 

I know that God redeems everything. Even places of emptiness. Even seasons of an Empty Girl . . .

 

God redeeming this place of emptiness has taught me little lessons all over again.

 

It’s reminded me several important ways to fill up:
  • spending time with Jesus
  • Emptying my heart of sin; envy, anger, comparison,
  • Spacing out the things that drain me
  • Realizing when my cup gets empty and know how to refill it
  • Recognizing the cycle; I’m empty I empty my kids, my kids are empty they empty me…
  • Knowing and limiting the triggers
  • Taking care of my physical body
  • Keeping boundaries
  • Finding my ‘heart spot’; that place in life where I know I’m right where God called me to be. Where I can say “I was made for this’
  • Spending time doing what He’s made me to do.
  • Recognizing my critical lows and knowing how to refill
  • Learning what energizes me and being sure to add some of that to my every day life

 

It’s made me re-realize the things that drain me…times when I start to:
  • Look at all the problems swirling around me.
  • Run to other things to fill me up… chocolate and peanut butter. 😉
  • Take my eye off Jesus
  • Start comparing myself to others
  • Do things to please people
  • Focus on what I can not have instead of what I do have in front of me.

 

{Which of these bullet points resonates with you, during the season of life you are in? I’d love to hear from you!}

 

 


 

We are going to explore some of these topics here on the website.  It will be a Blog Series titled ‘Filling up the Empty Girl’ — Exploring Practical ways to prevent feeling drained and empty.  Each week (or so) I’ll post a new article.
I’d love to know, are you feeling like an Empty Girl? What are you looking to to fix your emptiness?  Not in a season of emptiness, awesome! I’d love to hear how YOU prevent feeling drained? Leave comments Or email me at learninglittlelessons@gmail.com.

 

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