Birthday.

Today marks 5 years since I started Learning Little Lessons.  

 

You know, this is not where I thought I’d be. 

 

I thought surely I’d be someone by now. 

I thought surely I’d have a book published by now. 

I thought surely I’d prove that I had value by now. 

 

I thought it would look different. 

 

I thought I’d be helping people, encouraging women, and making a difference. 

I thought I’d have learned to craft just the right words. 

I thought I’d know who my people were by now. 

I thought I’d know my brand, logo, theme colors, style. 

I thought I’d know my readers’ felt need, and know my signature message. 

I thought I’d know all the answers a writer is to know by now. 

 

In fact, I thought I would know who I am by now. 

 

I thought this hole in my heart would be filled.

 

Instead what I’ve learned is, I’m still learning. 

Still learning that I am “someone” without doing a thing. 

Still learning that dreams placed in my heart by God will come in His timing. 

Still learning that I have value because of Jesus. Not because I have done anything.

I’m learning accomplishments don’t fill the heart in my hole.

 

I may have helped someone with my words from the last 5 years, but really I think the person I’ve helped the most is ME. Each word I’ve written has been a lesson I’ve learned better by teaching.

 

I may have crafted a sentence or two that really was well thought out, but really, most of the words just come out without me doing anything but to sit down at my keyboard. 

 

Who are the people reading my words? Maybe I’ll never know who is. Am I ok with never knowing?  

 

Brand, logo, theme, colors, style… I’ve learned, well I’ve probably always known it… I am just not a style type of girl. It’s ok. 

 

Do I know my readers “felt need”? No, not really. But I know mine. 

 

Do I know why I’ve been put on this earth? Do I know my signature message? My reason for being here. No, not really. 

 

I really don’t know who I am. 

Really, I have more questions than I did five years ago.

 

Though I’ve spent the last few weeks mulling this over. I don’t know if I will ever truly get to the point where I say… “I know who I am. I know what I was created for. I know why I am on earth.” 

 

So for now, I’ll just keep doing the next right thing. Maybe someday I’ll have all the answers that this writer needs. . . But then again, maybe I’ll never know. 

 

Thanks for sticking around with me these last five years! Here’s to five more years of Learning Little Lessons about filling up, pouring out, and pointing to Jesus. 

 

P.S. Here is where it all started. . . https://learninglittlelessons.com/2015/06/the-beginning-of-learning-little-lessons.html

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